Moving Square Boxes and Oral Hygiene

I need help!  Does anyone have an tricks – mind tricks, meditations, mantras – or games they play in the elevator to make the ride less miserable?  I try so hard to be friendly and smile at people, to think about about anything else, but when you are on the 18th floor and have to stop six times before you get to the lobby it’s hard to keep that positive attitude.  I do realize that my time spent in the elevator is never more than five minutes, which is really nothing in the grand scheme of life, but those five minutes are so agonizing to me especially if some one gets in on floor 15 and out on floor 14.  What the h – e – double hockey sticks!  And, then there are those families with four kids, each one, even the two-year, attempting to carrying their own luggage.  Mom stops the doors from closing with her stroller so everyone can shuffle in.  I love babies, but come on!  Just get in the damn elevator so we can get this over with.

I have come up with a couple of solutions, but these only take me so far:

1.  I take the stairs often.  It’s good for shapely legs and butt, but after a night of drinking or a 14 hour work day the last thing I want to do is climb up 18 flights of stairs.  I usually take the stairs down except when I am carrying luggage or work cases which can weigh more than 50 pounds.

2.  You may say, “Well, Kim, why don’t you just stay on a lower floor?”  Most people think like this which is why those floors fill up faster.  Plus, I have always been a lover of heights, so I think a balcony on the top floor over looking the city is pretty darn cool.  I can spy on people, and they will never notice me.  I can also invent games like trying to fling pennies into the pool when no one is around and then go find them later when I go for a swim.

3.  Facebook, puppy photos, and other funnies.  I check my news feed, browse through those “awwww how cute!” animal photos that I know I’m not the only fan of, and look at other hilarious internet photos such as this:

SiiiiiimbaBut, it’s not long until some one says, “Good morning!  How are you today?!” or “My!  You have your hands full with all of that luggage!”  I know people are just trying to be nice.  I am usually the one being nice to others, but can’t they see I’m in no mood for words when I am staring at a screen instead of looking at them?  Sometimes when I take the elevator down in the morning for breakfast I don’t brush my teeth.  Pants, hoody, glasses: laziness at it’s finest.  Do you really want to have a conversation with some one who hasn’t practiced oral hygiene yet?

4.  I cose my eyes and pretend that I am sleeping.  That way no one can see me right?  WRONG!  “Oh, you must be really tired! Where are you from?”  Even though my eyes are closed I can’t shake the fact that I am in an elevator, stopping at the push of buttons on floors other than my own.

So what do I do?  How do I make elevator rides more pleasant for me and the passengers around me?  How can I block out that little square world?  Or, should I fully submerge myself into it?  I guess I can start by brushing my teeth and go from there.

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