11.25.12 – To Hell With Waiting!

Today was a tough one.  I’ve been feeling lonely.  Maybe watching “Home Alone” sparked some feelings.  Even though I surround myself with people.  I make new friends in every new city I travel to, go to parties, see movies, have drinks.  I talk to hundreds of people  every day that I work.  Plus, I have a number of family members and friends back home who will gladly answer the phone if I call, but, I still feel alone.  I once had my cards read by a friend in Costa Rica.  Written on one of the cards that I pulled was the word “alone”.  I wrote about this some time ago on a different blog so I apologize to those that are reading this again.  On this “alone” card there was a child, a young girl, standing on one side of a fence.  On the other side of this fence there is a group of smiling children playing with each other.  The lone girl stands looking at these children.  At first glance I saw that the fence was separating the girl from the other children, but on second glance, I saw something else.  There was a gate that was slightly open.  The lock was unlatched allowing the girl to walk freely through the gate.  She chose to isolate herself from the other children.  She chose to be alone.

I don’t want this for myself.  I don’t like this empty feeling.  That card was telling me something, telling me that aloneness will be a part of my life, and it’s something that I need to come to terms with.  Whether it is something I do to myself or something that other people do to me, I need to accept it and be comfortable with it.  I must be confident in knowing that when the time is right I will walk through that gate and enjoy the love the other children are sharing.  I can’t keep waiting for one of them to notice me and extend their hand because, as much as I want it to, that’s not going to happen.  I’m not much of a waiter anyways.  I had a job as one while in college.  That lasted two days.  Why wait for some one to do something for you that you can do for yourself?  You are strong.  Go do it!  And, take your own advice every once in a while.  You’re pretty smart too :P

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